Missing Cosmo (Dealing with the loss of a pet)

 

This is our Cosmo.  If you follow me on any form of social media, you have probably seen that he quickly and very unexpectedly passed away last Thursday.  I had this collage made for my son (Cosmo was his, and his best friend) and he took it right upstairs and put it beside his bed.  He texted me this morning while he was on his way to school and thanked me for the picture, and told me he really misses him.  I do too.  In fact, I spent half of the day yesterday crying.  That may sound strange, but Cosmo wasn't just a cat, he was part of our family.  And he's been a part of our family for 8 1/2 years. 

 

I keep thinking I see him out of the corner of my eye.  I keep thinking I'll see him in the window when I take the dogs outside.  I keep thinking he'll come running when he hears me shake the treat bag.  I keep thinking as I pass my daughter's room I'll see him sleeping on her bed.  I know this may sound a little silly, but going on with regular daily activities seem so weird. I felt guilty for working out. Yes, I'm crazy.  When I work out he'd come lay on the floor beside me as I stretched.  He'd watch me and sometimes give me a little meow. This morning I grabbed a cup off the coffee table and thought to myself "I'm surprised Cosmo didn't knock that over", and quickly remembered why it wasn't knocked over.

 

I had been holding myself together because I didn't want to upset the kids more.  I'm really surprised my daughter handled it so well.  She cried that day, and that was it.  My son has cried  a few times. I would get teary and force myself to stop. My husband isn't one to cry and show much emotion so I thought ok, I've gotta keep this under control.  Then yesterday, with my husband at work and the kids at school, the flood gates opened and a tsunami roared through.

 

I have never lost a pet like this. When I was younger we had a cat and then a dog who were sick and had to be put to sleep.  But we knew what was happening and knew it was coming.  This was something that happened very quickly-he went from being ok to passing away in under 3 hours.

 

I feel very guilty and am placing a lot of blame on myself.  I keep thinking if I had noticed sooner (although there were NO signs) he'd still be here.  I was home. I should have been able to do something.  Why couldn't I save him? I rushed him to the vet, I did the right thing, why wasn't that enough?  And thinking of him the way he looked, I just can't get it out of my head.  I know I am torturing myself.  I just really miss him.  And crying, and I'm hoping blogging about it, will help me a little.  Maybe if I can get it out, I can eventually stop crying and thinking about it so much.

 

My cat, Simon, is the only pet that seems to notice things aren't right.  He has been going around the house looking for him.  And his eyes aren't as bright as they usually are.  I think he's missing him too.

 

I'm hoping when Cosmo passed over that Rainbow Bridge he found my grandma, he'll be in good hands with her.